True Russophilia: Things I love and admire about Russia

Me in the misty, magical Russian scenery that I will always cherish

One of my Russian friends(raised in S. America, graduated from Moscow State University), after reading my blog about ‘free love’ in Russia, felt the tone was condescending and accusatory.  And I realize it probably did come across as mocking.  It’s tricky for Americans to talk about Russia and vice versa.  It seems like all we know how to do is bitch and bash on one another.  The concept of ‘trash talking’ is a uniquely American form of politics and I don’t want in any way to have my writing be considered such.  I should know better.  Russians and Americans alike are very stubborn when it comes to their self-image and it’s hard to get them to see one another more openly.  My friend made a good point that this sort of ‘eye-rolling’ at other countries, and this ethnocentrism is what has dug America’s foreign policy into a lonely, ignorant pit.  

I remember being so annoyed with the other Americans in my classes at Moscow State University.  They came to Russia, pumped full of facts that their college professors put in their heads, thinking that they knew everything about Russia.  They wanted to learn Russian so that they could better show the Russians just how screwed up they really are.  This always broke my heart.  I came to Russia and fell immediately in love with it, not knowing why.  I felt like a little child at the feet of a great hero, I wanted to learn everything that I could from this wonderful and wise place.  Don’t get me wrong, life was hard in Russia, but it was so worth it.  Those other students are now working for National Security and the CIA, and here I am with nothing but a part-time clerical job and a deep passion for all things Russian.  And if there is anything I had wanted from writing this blog, it was to help Americans better understand Russia, and why I love it so. 

This friend pointed out that our generation needs to start a new trend of international relations.  Ridicule and criticism have obviously not been very effective as a form of foreign policy.  If history teaches us anything, it’s that we should learn from it.  A generation with the reference and resources that we have has no excuse for impudence or ignorance.  

There’s a famous little poem that describes what this blog should be about, but what I lost sight of:

Умом Россию не понять,
Аршином общим не измерить:
У ней особенная стать -
В Россию можно только верить.

This painting by Bilibin is still a scene you might find today in the Russian countryside

Which means, in short, if you want to get to the real Russia, you’ve got to put aside your informative books and start learning about her with your heart. 

In a place as vast as Russia, my experience there was so miniscule.  But if you spend even just 1 day in Russia, and you do it with an open heart, the real Russia comes pouring in. 

These are some of the ways in which Russia flooded my heart:

10.  The Chivalry of Russian Men: I know they have the stereotype of being sloppy chauvanist drunkards, but I find them very attractive.  The Russian men I dated were so attentive to my needs, so chivalrous.  If ever I was out walking with a Russian man and I was holding something, he would always, always, always offer to carry it for me.  You walk into a place and they’ll always try and find a place for you to sit and if it’s dirty they’ll clean it off with their handkerchief.  I was so shocked and touched by this.  On the second date with one of my American boyfriends, the bill came and he said, “Alright, this one’s on me, if you’ll just leave the tip”  This would be disgraceful for a Russian man.

Sweet little old Russian man fishing in the Moscow river

9.  Russians have learned how to do without.  I sat at the table one night with one of those Russian guys I was dating and we both realized that we couldn’t even begin to comprehend how the other had lived.  I couldn’t comprehend that most of his life growing up he had to wear the same pair of pants every day, or that all his family had to eat was potatoes for a year straight.  He couldn’t comprehend what it would be like to just go to the store and buy something just because it was on sale, or to be able to go shopping for FUN. 

8.  Russians cherish things.  A $5 can of caviar(a beloved, reasonably priced food by the Russians)becomes a feast, a reason to invite friends over for tea.  When you’ve gone so long having nothing, everything feels like a bonus, like manna from heaven.

7.  They cherish each other.  Now you wouldn’t know just from walking around on the street in grumpy old Moscow, but Russians have the biggest hearts of anyone.  They make the most loyal and thoughtful friends.  They will never ever forget you.  They know how to take care of one another, and they do.  My Russian girlfriends were so affectionate and caring and my guy friends were so thoughtful and reliable.

6. Russians put their heart into it.  Maybe it’s because of years having a government you couldn’t trust, having a future you couldn’t trust or feeling constant fear, but when Russians find a safe place to open up their heart, it all surges out.  The heart to heart talks begin immediately and never return to small talk.  Russians have faced so many hard times and I am sure that what has gotten them through is how much they need and rely on one another.  You pour your heart out to one another and then you make fun of your situation a bit and then you prepare each other to go back out into the cold and dreary world.  There is no way I would have made it through the miserable winter if it weren’t for all of those warm, wonderful times with my dear friends. 

5.  Russian hospitality.  Cliche? maybe but cliches come to be because they’re just so darn true.  I always told my expat friends in Moscow: If you don’t completely love Russia yet it’s because you haven’t been inside her homes.  There is nothing like being a guest at a Russian house.  They put their whole hearts and even borrow some heart from friends in order to be able to make you know how welcome you are.  They will give you anything, and they often do.  This is not just a show.  If it were just a show they wouldn’t insist that you have more, more, more.  It is a delight and an honor for Russians to host someone.  This is deeply rooted in that rich, Russian soul, they do it with pride and love.  You can taste it in the food, there is no better meal than a ’skromniy’ meal made just for you by a babushka. 

4.  Russian humor.  They may seem very serious, but Russian know very well how to laugh at very desperate situations.  It was the dark humor, the pathetic and kind of funny situations of Chekhov’s short stories that first drew me to Russia.  It’s what attracts so many people to Russian literature. They have learned how to take control of their situation…by laughing at it.  And this laughter, too, is a delicacy–manna  from heaven.

With one of my first and best Russian friends

3.  They only make fun of themselves. If someone walked into an American high school with clothes that were outdated, they’d be mocked and alienated immediately.  Americans like to just mock people for no good reason, and this hurts and isolates everyone.  Never ever did I hear a Russian make a snide remark about someone on the metro who was having a bad hair day.  Never ever did my Russian girlfriends talk crap about our other friends behind their back.  The only ridicule I ever heard from Russians was about things that they felt needed to be fixed, and they’d say it to your face, giving you a chance to address the issue.  I will take harsh, but true comments like, “you’re gaining weight”, any day over the petty back-stabbing that happens in American circles.

2.  Russians are humble…in a uniquely Russian way.  “Never underestimate the Russian people’s ability to suffer”.  -Winston Churchill.  Russians know how to suffer and they do so with such grace and sweet humility.  This is the Russians’ strength and their weakness.  I remember being so shocked when I got home from Russia and I was waiting for my luggage and the conveyor belt broke.  The whole line of people who were waiting starting throwing a fit and yelling at the workers, we were waiting for maybe 5 minutes.  This scene would have never happened among Russians.  Russians don’t have the sense of entitlement which I think is something that comes with an American birth certificate. 

1.  I believe in Russia. The most important historical information that you should take with you to Russia, is an understanding of everything these people have been through.  The Russians don’t throw fits and make demands, so it’s easy to forget that life has been pretty rough for them for quite a while now.  I remember looking at the people as I went down the long escalators and trying to comprehend: these are the people who lived through the collapse, these people lived under Stalin, these people had loved ones in the Gulags.  I wanted to hear everyone’s stories.  For as wise as so many Russian writers were, there is no one wiser than the citizen who lives through the troubles, never thinking that they’re making history.  The Russians are wise and humble and resiliant, and I believe there is so much to be learned from them.  But you can’t do it through reading about communism, or discussing the ‘Slav question’.  I love making clever remarks about this or that contradiction in Russian society, I love pointing out idiosyncracies.  But the Russia that I love most is the Russia that doesn’t make for the most enticing blog titles. 

Nesterov

But that’s okay, because everything I’ve learned from Russia is something so precious to me, and I don’t expect you to be able to understand it with your mind…